A New Zealand shark attack victim managed to fend off a shark, driving it off with his knife, before stitching his own wounds and heading to a pub for a beer, all before heading to the hospital, according to a Sydney Morning Herald report.
James Grant found himself in a bit of trouble while spearfishing with friends near Colac Bay on the tip of New Zealand's southern island.
"I looked behind to see who it was and got a bit of a shock," Grant told Radio New Zealand.
The junior doctor felt a tug on his leg and turned around thinking it was a friend playing a prank, only to discover a shark behind him.
Using a diving knife he had with him, the 24-year-old stabbed the animal, causing it to flee.
"[I thought] bugger, now I have to try and get this thing off my leg," said Grant, like a total f***ing badass. "I am not sure how effective it was. I guess it let go so something must have happened, put a few nicks in it."
He tried to get help from his friends after he escaped from the deathly grip of the shark, but they proved to be completely useless.
"I thought surely he hasn't been bitten, there's no way he has been bitten, he's got to be taking the piss," said Grant's worthless piece of sh**, so-called friend, Mackley Lindsay.
Grant made his way to shore and fixed up the injury himself, before heading over to a nearby tavern to grab a beer.