CASHMERE, WASHINGTON — A man was slick enough to accidentally blast his own McNuggets at an apartment in Cashmere last month, but luckily for us, that was only Chapter One.
According to a probable cause affidavit filed on April 16 in Chelan County Superior Court, 27-year-old Cameron Jeffrey Wilson had his piece tucked into his front pocket on April 5 when he accidentally popped a round off right through the family jewels and into his thigh.
According to affidavit, BALLS—eye then told his girlfriend to first drive him to a friend's house, so he could drop off his piece. As a 13-time felon, it's illegal for Wilson to carry firearms.
According to the Wenatchee World, as doctors and nurses were stitching the American Self-Sniper up, a balloon contain some sticky icky slipped out of the old prison wallet.
When Chelan County sheriff's officers were notified the Testicular Terminator had suffered a gunshot wound, they responded to the hospital and searched his ride and found a bag of Breaking Bad inside a pair of jeans he'd taken off before going in the hospital.
Wilson wasn't arrested at the hospital, but police issued a warrant on suspicion of a second-degree felony in possession of a firearm and unlawful possession of crystal. He was charged on April 16.
When the smooth criminal turned himself in during an examination, another buddha balloon snuck out the backdoor.
He was then arrested and charged with possession of a controlled substance in a correctional facility.
From the slammer, Einstein then called his girlfriend several times telling her not to snitch, but of course the authorities were listening in.
Kingpin was subsequently charged with counts of tampering with a witness.
According to the Wenatchee World, the three incidents will be tried in superior court as three separate cases.
He's currently being held at the regional justice center on a combined $110,000 bail, while he awaits his trials.