Last week, a Texas grade school principal was forced to suspend a nine-year-old boy for making terroristic threats. Principal Roxanne Greer of Kermit Elementary School stood up to terrorism and suspended fourth grader, Aiden Stewart, for brandishing the Hobbit’s magic ring and threatening to make another classmate “disappear”.
Rest assured parents, your kids are safe from dark magic.
Like many home-grown terrorists, nine-year-old Aiden was exposed to radical, Middle Earth ideas at home, when his father took him to see “The Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies”.
Seduced by the promise of ultimate power, the child was able to sneak Sauron’s Ring into school by shifting into the shadow world, and slipping past the giant spiders. But Bilbo’s burden was too much for Aiden, and he wisely tried to foist the ring off on his friend, promising it would make him invisible.
But then that friend turned on Aiden, and had him suspended, likely so he could have “Precious” all for himself. When Aiden’s father demanded the school admit, in writing, that they suspended his son over a magic ring, administrators cast a spell of confusion, saying the “letter is in the mail.”
The nine-year-old has been suspended before, once for bringing a book on pregnancy to school. It’s good to know Principal Greer is keeping the kids safe from knowledge of black magic and human reproduction.